this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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