I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
