You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
