I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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