nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize