A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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