so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
