Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
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Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize