apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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