A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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