dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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