I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
