now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
