I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
