he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
