My cat gives me a boner
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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