Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
