Porn is love you can see.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry about my life...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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