I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
