so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
