Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
