it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
