His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
