You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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