Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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