Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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