So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
