Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
