Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
