omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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