Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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