some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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