Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
