I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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