she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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