Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
