break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
