I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
