Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
