If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
