I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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