I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
