I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
