Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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