He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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