When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
