Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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