matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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