I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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