Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.

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(614): View more from Ohio

you really are a gigantic fucking slut.

(614): View more from Ohio

sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text

(1-614): View more from Ohio

it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.

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(+44): View more from England

What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?

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(303): View more from Colorado

I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.

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(516): View more from New York

Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating

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(607): View more from New York

Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis

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(336): View more from North Carolina

You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit

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(917): View more from New York City

I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.

(323): View more from California

After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.

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