an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
