I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
