She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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