She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
