Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
