don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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