I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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