I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
