Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
