Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
