It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
