I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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