So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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