Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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