yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
