i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
