Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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