my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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