I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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