I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
