You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
