i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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