Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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