someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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