my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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