mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
