farters have to be the big spoon...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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