it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
