I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
