New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
