I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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