Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
