the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You may now shotgun with the bride
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
