i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize