if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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